Posts Tagged With: home

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City lights, oh come on.
Christmas season makes it more nostalgic to be away from home

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A Cradle for Vision Fuels the Tank on Mission

Who told you it would be easy? Nothing’s left in this fast-paced world for you to hold on; but because you believe that there’s something else to hope for, it becomes harder for you to just let go.

SAM_9415

 

What is in my mind right now? A lot of things. A thousand or millions of thoughts that eventually filled up the space of my being, enough to make me feel so full of flattering emotions and uncertain feelings. I couldn’t blame the rainy weather today. I couldn’t blame the suspension of classes. I couldn’t blame the moist air. I couldn’t blame the nostalgic view in the window. I couldn’t blame the deafening silence. I couldn’t find anything to blame for why I am this way.

I don’t think I was born exactly the person that I am today. Perhaps the time, experiences, and people’s influences have been contributing to the kind of human that I have become but I’m definitely not so sure how they changed me. Have I really changed? Here I go again with my philosophical questions, trying so hard to answer the inquiries that I know will never suffice. Questions welcome another questions for answers are just merely objects that are supposed to make me feel safe, unmoved, and at peace for a moment. The truth is, I never felt enough.

How do you see me as an individual in that photo? Your perception might be different as mine but I don’t care, really. What matters is that you actually paid attention to it at some point.

Free, empowered, and brave- these may be enough for me to step into real wild world. I feel like I am capable of surviving. I feel like I can conquer whatever struggle it is that will block my path. Well, at least, I have the feels. Although we all know that a man can be invincible but no man can defy imperfection, I still believe that if one spends his/her own life as the power to fight, this man is definitely immortal. The man can die but the flashes of its dynamism will never falter.

Oh good heavens, where did I find the guts to type these words that can eventually lead its readers to confusion? Because it is only through deep words that I can express the slightest closeness of my true sentiments to what I really meant.

There are times that I actually want to cry things out but no tear comes out of my eyes. It crushes me inside. I dare to smile to distract myself from entertaining insanity. There are times that I actually want to give up my only hopes but my dreams won’t accept my proposal. It brings out the guilt out of me. I dare to continue my plans or reinvent if possible. There are times that I actually want to just shut my brain from thinking but as before I can fully close my mind, there’s this little voice inside my head that disintegrates every single drop of doubt. It wakes me up each time I nearly sink my soul into a nightmare of failures. I dare to get up and fall even more madly even at the most futile ideas which only myself knows can keep me moving. Everything, to me, is paradoxical. What kills me makes me realize that I actually have a life to live, with that burning passion in my heart.

Do you get it, somehow? That a person’s struggles are truly the ones that aid to fulfill one’s goals. If we never had the struggle, wouldn’t you think we’d be able to appreciate the details of triumph and victory? I reflect. Please take note that I am trying if not for myself, then maybe for the ones I love the most.

Now the bottom line is what is so special in this life that I can be able to endure all these mind-boggling, soul-draining, heart-drifting challenges? If you can’t imagine myself saying these lines, try to incorporate them to yourself. What is it that pushes you to go on, amid the doldrums or even amid the monstrous storms? Is it your money, your gadgets, your foods, your books, your accessories, your clothes, your mansion, your car? How hypocrite we are, then.

As for me, what urge me to stay are reasons, I expect, only myself can understand. Will you believe me if I tell you I hold on because of the world itself? Philantrophic, isn’t it? Honestly, I am not the best person to promise things that are purely for the sake of others. I am giving it a try because I guess this is what makes me feel worthy to carry on, to share with you the air we breathe, to share with you the shades of sky, to share with you the rhythm, to share with you the company, to share with you the boundless treasures on earth. I’ll never tell these things to you. Laugh at me, it’s fine; but I’ll really never tell these because I want them done rather than chanted.

A Cradle for Vision Fuels the Tank on Mission is the title of my post mainly because I have a very large home that exists as spot on the universe that I can embrace as a cradle for the fruits of all our sacrifices, and the tank simply symbolizes ourselves. What substance do you want it contains? For me, I want it love. If I hated all of you, then I wouldn’t spare a moment of my existence trying to figure out what it means to be alive- what it takes to live for myself and what it takes to live for the significant creations that inspire me to look at things with wonder.

Could I ever make things happen? I can never fail this, so I must.

Categories: Inspire, Part of Me, Reflection | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fear not… for…

Fear not… for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the kingdom. -Luke 12:32

As I leave our home today as early as 4:30 in the morning to continue living a college life (together with other two awesome people I regard as sisters of mine), we traveled from the southern part of Luzon until the northernmost part of the country. It is never an easy task for me even though there’s a proof that the reasons why I have to sacrifice self-centered ambitions are the dreams I’ve been chasing- Dreams which are meant to give comfort, happiness, and contentment to the people I’ve been leaving for the meantime. Gaining the strength that I need for this journey is really difficult for I am scared. I am afraid of considering the chances that I cannot make things happen; but for now, I am grateful to the promise that I’ve been holding on… a promise of praising God forever because I know that while He is there, I can never be alone. Challenges won’t disappear right away but I know that as long as the intentions are from the heart, the battle is won. God will never fail us.

Categories: Part of Me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays

Today I bought a cake for them to share with each other just like how they shared memories with me this year. I used to be the eldest in our brood but for the first time, I experienced to be the youngest. They never reminded me that a home is where you stay with your biological family. Thank you for making my stay in Baguio even more wonderful!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.
Let us stay safe and enjoy the moments that await us.
God Bless.

P.S. I’m going home and there’s a possibility that I might cut my connection to my blog. Until next year, awesome people!

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