Posts Tagged With: let go

miles away

There will be times when I’d rather stay awake during hours in between 10 p.m. to 5 a.m.

It is when almost everyone is sound asleep. It is when the surroundings is blatantly quiet. It is when I have nothing to blame but myself for letting the silence deafen my disturbed being. I cannot close my eyes for fear that I may miss something. I can neither feel the warmth nor coldness of the empty space building up inside of me.

What I am sure of is that, I will remember each single detail that has been happening between hours of 5:01 a.m to 9:59 p.m. when there’s nothing wrong but my perception of reality. I seem to live in a world where only myself can see. It is the moment of disillusionment that perhaps the people occupy the sensitivity of my thoughts but there’s only one thing that I am longing to be with – and this is definitely peace of mind.

Noisy. The flickering lights, the blurring shadows, the swaying curtains, the palpitating beats of whose heart, the imaginative knocks and footsteps… all so loud I am not able to notice that while I hear them, I lose the capacity to listen to my own needs and wants.

Truly, I soon realize that there will be deprived chances no matter how hard we try to get them. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel like putting pillows on my bed, I avoid cute pets, I doubt your sincerity, I won’t give a damn to your words, I pretend to be funny. Because it sucks to get attached to stuffs that will soon leave me and I call them stupid inside my head. Not admitting it is me who’s more than weird. I am an unfathomable, reckless piece of unlovable mystery.

Darling I get hurt, too; but I don’t expect you to understand somebody who does not even dare trying to confront herself. Please see to it that I am not the one who’s going to conform to your ideals. I am not even trying to put an interest seeking for ways to get close to your standards. Because I don’t impose rules which I cannot follow. By accident, too many times, I have spoken words I cannot swallow.

Days pass and the urge is becoming more irresistible. You don’t have to say it back. You don’t have to cast a promise. Free yourself. Stop. Stare. Smile.

We’ll go miles from here if we let go, still miles from here if we choose to stay.

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The Metamorphosis of Love

SAM_9567

Life is not a series of chances but a series of choices.

A heart usually portrays the essence of love, of Romanticism, of people’s involvement in a relationship that demands commitment, trust, and loyalty; but a heart might mean a different thing that tries to incorporate a wider and deeper understanding of how love actually exists in a person’s life- where happiness stays and grows from within. However, the butterflies signify metamorphosis- an agent of change that persists to survive in this world.

Just because you want it, doesn’t mean you can get it. Destiny is not carved in stone because it is something you have to create on your own. Beyond the freedom set upon the spark of divinity that’s given from the very start, you get a life… full of uncertainties, doubts, and risks. You endure a battle and insist to win for you think of the importance of the things you love is what truly matters. But, is it really worth the fight? Do you deserve to fall in love that depends from the intensity of the presence of others? Does reality have to seem so vague that you associate real joy from the attachment you get used to? Is it then fair to blame circumstances when you lose yourself while finding the significance outside of it?

Perfection is imaginable yet it is not possible. It cannot be achieved. It is so unfair to expect something that goes too high enough to disrupt your view of reality. You accept the love you think you deserve that you eventually fail to realize that what you’ve been seeking for the whole time is already in front of you waiting to be held on for so long. You miss the chances that are reserved for you while chasing for the ones you desperately hope for. You end up undecided, left out unfulfilled. Is that what is considered as happiness? Of course not. You commit mistakes just like anyone else. The bottom line is, it might be too late to catch up with failures. You learn to let go.

What you believe keeps you going, isn’t it? What you believe is what triggers you to remain intact with your goals in life. You often accompany it with the thought of being extremely in love with something else. So when it is gone, the happiness fades away. That is what happens in a heart that is filled with butterflies. There are things, there are people… that will come and leave. Some will stay and others are meant to go away. Permanence is rare. Definitely, there are things that are bound to visit you temporarily. There will be a moment in your life when your actions are transformed into regrets. It makes you unsatisfied. Will things ever be put in their proper places? Yes. You just have to explore a great sense of being alive and discover that happiness is not all about romantic love, or gifts, or committing to someone, or keeping a promise- but about the innovation and development you attain while enduring the pain you receive and being passionate about your principles no matter what, each day.

Happiness is a choice yet so difficult to stand by it. Love freely. Who cares to give it back?

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Embracing Adversity; So it will soon let go of me.

I know I’ve been hating myself for this

But it won’t last I promise

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Red and green lights on the street

Creates the shadow out of me

Walk fast through the noise and heat

Take the route I cannot see

 

Slow down, stop, then go

Discover paths I did not know

Not too certain where it leads

Aim, still, what it needs

 

Nobody reads what’s inside

If I am scared or naive or tensed

Alive or have somehow died

Sincerity for me bears sense

 

When the day just started

As early as the visit of Dr. Exhausted

It all goes weird I’m tired of toil

Subtle swallowing of soil

 

I am born this way so sweetly

But why does it taste so bitter

That I am not the person I want to be

Higher, farther, more, and better

 

Jammed on a traffic

Freedom I seek

Let go, when is the time

Sooner as it leaves the rhyme

 

Now do I even feel

Like I soar above

Or sink beneath

The doldrums of stability

 

Nothing farther

Nothing new

Confined myself, encapsulated

Stuck on the edge

 

Dusk, go home where it embraces me

Dawn, for another hope

Each day I learn

That I do not change in a blink of an eye

 

Fall asleep and wake up

With such spark of madness

And make it glow

No matter what it takes

 

If I truly love a thing

Fight for it, a must

Bring out the rhyme and rhythm

Not because I am comfortable with it

 

Perhaps it weakens me

At this spot

But it is also within

Where I will gain

 

My strength in any adverse state of mind.

 

Categories: Part of Me, Poetry, Reflection | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

I don’t want to…

I don’t want to complicate things anymore. It’s either I fight for it or just let go. Sounds simple.

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Don’t be too hard on yourself

Don't be too hard on yourself

I had lunch in the Woods a while ago. I was given a book mark before I got my food. It says about a scripture from the Bible. It’s kind of aiming the motivating lines I need for this day. I’m so anxious that I would just fall asleep the moment I saw my bed and cried as I woke up. I know that this is a very frantic side of me but I trust myself to let the hard feelings go as soon as I regain strength from the people and the things I used to dedicate all these hardships.

And the title… well, one of my sweetest friends, a sister indeed, (an Iska) told it to me. We always give comfort to each other whenever we feel like needing someone to talk to.

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Holding On

Holding On

I believe there’s something else that is better than being the best… the desire for improvement and those who are deserving to achieve it.

That’s an Original Photo taken by one of my best friends. I was definitely happy there. Unlike now, I don’t know what to do with myself anymore; but then that doesn’t mean that I’m just gonna let go of the finer chances I may take. Sometimes it’s not too bad to show a vulnerable side of you. For me it’s being real perhaps later on, we should still look forward for brighter days ahead. Don’t expect anybody to bring light for yourself. After all, it’s all about ourselves and the principles we’ve been holding on for so long.

I might as well convince myself with this smile that could get real someday…

Categories: Part of Me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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