Posts Tagged With: life

Broken-hearted ako.

…kasi hindi nagkatuluyan ang mga karakter na binuhay ko sa ginagawa kong kwento.

Nakakaasar dahil sabi ko nga, “The process is self-consuming… dahil bago pa man mabigyan ng kulay ang mundo niyo, napaglalaruan muna ang damdamin naming manunulat.”

Ang isang manunulat ay guguhit ng istorya na malapit sa puso niya. Kasabay nito ay ang pagbibigay ng sarili sa mundong siya mismo ang lumikha. May mga kabanatang dadalhin ang mga mambabasa, tagapakinig, o manonood sa katumbas na pakiramdam kung paano nga ba ang umibig. Mayroon din namang kabanatang ipaparamdam sa kanila nang paulit-ulit ang sakit ng bawat pagkabigo. Higit sa lahat, bago ihain ang mga emosyong ito sa iba, nabugbog muna ng tamis at pait at pinaghalong timpla ang kung sino ba ang gumawa ng teksto. Sino ba ang unang nakaranas nito?

Akala ko noon ang pagsusulat ay napakalaya… tipong patuloy lang akong magbubukas ng pinto sa napakalawak kong imahinasyon na lalong nagpapaliit sa mundong ginagalawan ko. Ang pagsusulat pala ay isang sumpa. Kagaya ngayon, hindi ko sigurado kung may patutunguhan ba itong paglalahad ko sa kung paano binabago ng pagsusulat ang pananaw ko sa buhay. Saan ako dadalhin? Hindi ko alam.

Sa kabila ng napakaraming tanong sa aking isipan na hindi ko matuldukan, akin muling bubuuin ang mga pirasong kung saan-saan ko natatagpuan. Palagi ko pa rin tatanggapin ang mga bagong kwentong dapat maibahagi naman sa iba sa pamamagitan ng aking pagsasalarawan. Eh ano kung masaktan.

Eh ano naman kung hindi pala tayo.

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An Epitome of a Life Lived in its Fullest

Few years had passed since I wrote an article of the same topic, with the same title.

“The most important ingredient of leadership is character. Most of the proficiencies can be learned, but what’s inside you is something that’s difficult to change,” says a man who had stirred up a comparable aspect of a former Philippine president – now a modern-day Ramon Magsaysay. Such passion to serve the people and willpower to do good have fueled Jesse M. Robredo to spend a life he had and eventually fulfilled a realization that it had been something that is, until this day, worth dying for.

On the 18th day of August year 2012, the world was shook with the news report delivering that a twin-engine, four-seater Piper Seneca light aircraft, directed to Naga from Cebu, crashed off the sea in Masbate island province. Only the police aide had survived the so-called accident. Captain Jessup Bahinting, Nepalese pilot trainee Kshitiz Chand, and (at that time DILG) Secretary Jesse Robredo did not able to make it. This untimely death of the secretary created a huge impact in the lives of many people, which has still been commemorated through a fluvial parade and has been announced that August would be Jesse Robredo month. Consequently, this national tragedy has evoked the memories of Ramon Magsaysay who also died in a plane crash. This tends to relate an image of exceptional leadership skills, good governance tactics, concern for the welfare of the people, and a well-lived life – which both of the aforementioned leaders acquire. Despite the personal setbacks, Robredo remained steadfast in his vision for the DILG and the country (Chiu and Tan, GMA News 2012).

Now, what kind of person had he become to be able to exhibit such a charismatic appeal to people? Why did his death immensely affect the Filipinos? How significant are his contributions to our nation that his name had been able to be the top headlines of the news for a couple of weeks or months after the incident? How was he able to connect with his countrymen while he was still alive and breathing? Does it make any sense in putting the focus of the lens to his character and way of living? Here lies the basic truth behind this man that had considerably died with honor that will forever stay in our homeland.

Jesse Manalastas Robredo, born on May 27, 1958 in Naga City, was raised by Jose Chan Robredo Sr. and Marcelina Manalastas. He’s a second-generation Chinese Filipino who’s the third child among the brood of five. During the 1970s, he attended Ateneo de Naga when he was in high school. Instead of pursuing his studies in University of the Philippines Los Baños where he also passed an admission test, he finished undergraduate degrees in Industrial Management Engineering and Mechanical Engineering at the De La Salle University. During the 1980s, he worked at San Miguel Corporation in the Physical Distribution Technical Services then later functioned as the Magnolia Ice Cream director’s assistant staff and was also assigned to logistics planning. In 1985, he had been a scholar at the University of the Philippines Diliman and finished his Masters in Business Administration. Due to his scholarly excellence, he was named the Graduate School and Faculty Organization awardee.

Raised by a highly-competitive father, he learned to be a responsible and mature individual in his earlier years. He broke records in schooling, notching degrees, accomplishments, political integrity, and passion for reform. His academic performance was excellent. He was disciplined as a child and would, thus, do the same to his children. He neither tried to smoke nor to drink. He valued virtues of being concerned to other people and living in a modest lifestyle. He was a streetwise as he witnessed conditions between well-to-do and poor families. Perhaps relatively comfortable with regards to the basic need of the family, he had been exposed in the realities of the world which molded him into a well-made man. Protecting the integrity and honor of one’s family is of highest importance to him. Children should be able to contribute their share in order to attain this goal. “If our children cannot inherit anything material, at least they will inherit a good name,” says his supportive wife, Atty. Maria Leonora “Leni” Gerona – whom he had met during a job interview in Bicol – and they had three daughters throughout the years of harmonious marriage. He was a multi-awarded local executive before leaving his corporate life for public service. In spite of the demands of his jobs, he stayed plain. He had moved around freely without any bodyguard beside him. He knew that even the simplest acts do matter that he would be seen sweeping the streets by himself. He’s definitely ‘one of the most prominent figures among a rising generation of local officials becoming known on the national stage’. On the other hand, he would hurry to his family on weekends. “In the end, this habit of hurrying cost him his life- and the nation, one of its best sons,” as deeply described in an article published by InterAksyon in 2012.

Robredo returned to Naga City the following year to become the Program Director of the Bicol River Basin Development Program. At age 29, he was declared the youngest mayor in the country during 1988 in Naga City. In 1995, he was elected as President of the League of Cities of the Philippines, Chairman of the Metro Naga Development Council (1992-1998), and Chairman of the Regional Development Council. Four years later, while he is a Mayor of Naga City (for 19 years), he earned his masteral degree in Public Administration at John F. Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University. Meanwhile, Naga City was named one of the “Most Improved Cities in Asia” by Asiaweek Magazine. When he was reelected in 1995, he enacted a unique Empowerment Ordinance creating a People’s Council that should institutionalize NGOs and people’s organizations participation for the upcoming municipal deliberations. He responded to an appointment set by Cory Aquino during the People Power Revolution 1986 when he won by slim margin at a very young age. The “Anti-Red Tape Act of 2007” gave voice to the citizens in demanding efficient service according to the charter written in a table in every office. In relation to his incomparable call for empowerment, he also instituted “Seal of Good Housekeeping” program in 2010 that should motivate LGUs and inspire local chief executives.

He won the 2000 Ramon Magsaysay Award for Government Service for his exemplary skills in governing. The board of trustees recognized his ability to provide the acceptance to a promising demonstration of democracy and that signified the compatibility of effective city management with regards to the yielding of the power to the people. He received 13 other major awards such as the 1998 Konrad Adenauer Medal of Excellence as Most Outstanding City Mayor of the Philippines, 1994 Ten Outstanding Young Persons of the World Honoree, 1990 Ten Outstanding Young Men of the Philippines, and the very first “Dangal ng Bayan” Award of the Civil Service Commission. President Benigno Aquino III named him as the Secretary of the Department of Interior and Local Government in 2010.

Inherently, all of the achievements of this man cannot fit a one-paragraph enumeration. This shows how active he had been participating in the clash of life. Other than these awards, he had also been a victor of well-established projects, programs, advocacies, and a lot more activities that suit the principles and standards which are truly worth the fight.

‘A center of excellence in implementing government research’, Jesse M. Robredo Institute of Governance, is one of the examples that operate until this day. Former Governor and Representative of Camarines Sur, Luis Villafuerte, owned a network called Bicol Boradcasting System where Robredo had worked as President and Station Manager. Furthermore, the city government had a program Kaantabay sa Kauswagan which expropriated lands for relocation and housing of urban poor settlers. The “Tsinelas Leadership” may also represent the simplicity and being down-to-earth of the people’s servant. He’s, indeed, raising the issue of championing the marginalized sectors. Together with former Pampanga Governor Ed Panlilio and Isabela Governor Grace Padace, promoted Kaya Natin! Movement. One of those who testify this influential drive is the Mayor of Daet town, Tito Sarion. A “force for positive change” has strategic ways that can be regarded as highlights of merit in fulfilling the plans and actions that should have been undertaken. He made his staffs play SimCity. Cities are a system. Small changes can lead to big results, both negative and positive. He believed that it’s an essential aspect, of building one’s character in pursuing his aims, to look at people and treat them equally without the bias of their social status. No matter how big or small a thing is, it matters and always will. He maintained dynamism in his ruling as he’s faithful to pro-people ideology. Performance, productivity, and morale among city employees were therefore raised – as “a culture of excellence overtook the culture of mediocrity, businesses doubled, and local revenues rose by 573 percent”.

Yapak Natin: Tsinelas Walk for Jesse Robredo had been participated by thousands of participants a year after his mournful death. Youth leadership seminars such as “Lead Like Jesse” and “Mobility Mission” were held to campaign and motivate the young generation to take a path that can lead our nation to a better state. It is not enough for a leader to be good; more importantly, it is the people and the system that must force the leader to be good – words by Robredo. Additionally, he said Kahit hindi mo gusto yung ginagawa mo, you are still expected to work hard and excel. His advice to would-be leaders was that ‘You have to have credibility’. He emphasized that a leader must not only be good but also competent; which is noticeable among his speeches with the matino at mahusay slogan. He’s an idealist in a sense  that he aspired to make Naga City a happy place where it would get rid of illegal gambling and inefficient bureaucracy. A once disarrayed locality had been turned into one of the most competitive, most business friendly, most cost-effective, most women and children friendly, most outstanding in excellence, innovation, and governance – that’s Naga City handled by Robredo in service. Public works had been an essential task to accomplish during his term which, in turn, made such a place to be one of the most livable cities in the country. Operations were professionalized. Participation was encouraged. Frugality and disdain for cosmetic projects were endorsed. As termed, the leader and his people residing in the city had been “tirelessly improving”. Naga had been revived through strengthened performance, transparency, and accountability in the systems of governance across the public-private divide. Focus was on the capacity to build and improve development outcomes such as decentralization, budget monitoring, environmental governance and sustainability, integrity systems, e-governance (an application of information communication technology), and awareness (consensus support and solutions to problems). He quoted, “good government cannot be achieved without people empowerment”. Mass and elite are believed to have been entitled with the same kind of service.

Our political history has shown that we have put the burden of running this country to our ‘best’ people for too long. And yet the gap between the rich and the poor has grown wider. For this country to succeed, we need to make heroes of ordinary people. We need to make heroes of ourselves (Robredo, 2005).

This biography of a man like Jesse Robredo may seem to have said too much for a paper; but its length is still too short analogous to the breadth of life the man had lived. Words cannot entirely narrate the episodes of his heroism, or even failures. In a way, it still does play a vital role in signifying an endeavor that is exemplary and is worth reminiscing by us, especially the Filipino people. Many would have been asking: “Would these pieces of information be published if not because of his ill-timed death?” Well, what really pushed through these details that make us appreciate the deeds further when he’d been gone? Is it politics? Power relations? Publicity? Personal intentions? Promotion? – The bottomline is nobody can ever really judge without a hint of dogmatism from his/her own perspective. What matters is that we got something from this story – the existence of prevalent possibilities that we could actually continue the struggle of pulling this country to the top of what we thought is an impossible altitude to be reached by anyone… where plane crash cannot subside.

Jesse Robredo had lived a life, may be in a short period of time as how others see it, but the battle has just begun. Skirmish. Integrity and dignity, honor and excellence – they don’t die and never will if we relive the fire and stand up again midst adversities. We got a lifetime to do it. Sincerity does count.

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Do you still remember

How to keep calm

When you don’t have to worry

For the days ahead

Let the sorrows leave

So you may grow

Perhaps it’s uneasy to believe

We can get better than this

It takes courage to stay

You have not yet had enough

Hang on

 

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When Wounds Whirled Wisdom

Just, never get tired of trying. Positivity, persistence, and patience are what you need to keep on track. Don’t lose that sense of wonder you’ve been holding on for too long. You’ve not been this far to stop and acquire nothing. You might feel down for a while but that does not mean staying in the darkness. Another day will come and you will find new reasons to continue searching for the light. You will realize that everything pays off. Of course you wouldn’t like to harvest rotten fruits at the end of the season, would you?

So smile! Yes, you who’s reading this right now. Why should you?

Because you are wonderful…

for waking up this morning even if you feel like laying down all day

for pursuing the plans you’ve drafted the last time you feel excited

for beaming like how the sun shines to everyone on your way

for cheering up the vibes though you already feel exhausted

for staying in tune with the path that you have chosen

for striving despite the verdicts’ eyes on your acts

for struggling while heat seems so frozen

for risking across a myriad cracks

for fighting with all your heart

for trying with all your might

for breathing until tonight

 

Remember that while there are things which make you feel you’re not worthy enough, there also exist these bases which are going to support your claims come what may. Perhaps you will doubt yourself but there are proofs that exist to persist in believing that you actually can attain your goals. All you need is faith; for if you have it, the world will never be ceased to be amused by your masterpieces. Once you learn to accept yourself is the moment you discover a perspective that will open your eyes to possibilities. The worries and fears holding you back will no longer suffice. No harm will keep you from resisting a passionate urge expected to embark upon.

Every day is a new beginning. It empowers you to gain the strength that you need for you to be able to win over the treacherous beast within. Wake up your spirit and fall in love with your dreams all over again. Seek what makes you happy: then go for it. Make use of the lessons that the battle of life has taught you. Sustain the weapons for you must not lose. Give it all your best and leave the rest to Him.

Wounds are temporary yet wisdom remains beyond your capacity for ever. The pain will soon be over.

 

 

 

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What If Your Best Isn’t Good Enough

We all have that feeling of joys and of sorrows. These two are what basically consist our daily lives. It’s either we feel good or we feel bad about certain circumstances that may come our way. Days are hard-earned. Nights are sleepless. We sacrifice such chunks of comfort for the benefit of our larger aspirations.

At the end of every episode, rages another show in a series of memories that are supposed to teach us: Lessons… Lessons which are not similar to those that we learn from school wherein lectures are primarily given before the examination. In real life, we have to take the tests first, then lessons. We may eventually surpass ourselves.

Sentiments are everywhere located in each chapter of our own stories. Whether we like it or not, we are thrown here in this world to feel alive yet it is so paradoxical that there are times when the things which actually give us life are the same ones which nearly push us on the verge of giving up this battle called survival.

Have you experienced that moment when you seem to have done enough yet none of it will suffice the demands of the environment you are in? You try to search for anything to blame yet cannot find it because you think that I got this. You list down all the possible works you can do for hours, for days, for weeks, for months, and even for years to prepare for situations that perhaps bring you that rush of nervousness and excitement; but when time comes, that you almost had it all, the world is as if to slap right to your face the kind of mess that you have been. You will never be ready until you experience the conditions. A wild dimension is about to snatch you from those sweet tales into a tragic story of defeat.

What is wrong: to expect too much from yourself? to wait for something else to happen that is not meant for you? to assume success? Is it then alright to accuse yourself of being too much of a failure? One’s self who is nobody but a shadow. A shadow which is nothing but a mere existence of false hopes. -then you start to question the verity of life. You start to indulge your being into the darkness that leads no path.

 

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

– Fix You

 

Feel the wind all around
All the courage to be found
Who knows what’s out there
I know I’ll get there

– Still I Fly

 

If one thing I know, I’ll fall but I’ll grow
I’m walking down this road of mine, this road that I call home

– Am I Wrong

 

Now, here are songs you might like to listen to. Uplift the spirit that deserves no doubt, no insult, and no regret… for yourself is all that you have to stand up again. Yourself is all that you have to confront the challenges and beat them up- they may hurt you, cause you wounds, leave you scars; but they cannot suppress a spirit that stays faithful to its master.

What if your best isn’t good enough? is not a question but a threat to your character. You shall not be deceived by temporary knock down’s because the truth is, you can always get up. You can always fight back. You can always win in your own ways. Just by reaching your best shot, you had already aimed at victory. There’s no such thing as failing because you tried.

It is impossible for us to risk ourselves defending the ones we love, through terrifying attacks of courage and persistence, just for nothing. We are not here just for nothing. We are here to prove the worth we have been holding on for so long. We are here to claim the fact that we will carry on, no matter what.

Your best is more than enough.

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Try Harder. Do more. Be better. – What Inspires You?

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You may take a look at these blurred photos fused into a collage that makes it even less clear to see. Oh, forget the irony.

So this is what had kept me busy last night. This is my version of what has been the so-called vision board. Actually, the images I put in it are not only my goals in life. There go the pictures of myself, my family, my colleagues, personalities I look up to, quotable lines, stunning places, architecture of ideal buildings and houses, cars, and money. Will these photos actually boost my ego and trigger me to come up with a better version of “I”?

I’ll take this time as a moment for me to release my feelings as of today… Unlike my freshman year, I cry less now that I am a Sophomore. I am not just sure if it’s because I can already endure the pain or I am already immune to frustrations that it affects me no more or just too busy to entertain my emotions. What hurts? A lot… A myriad reasons of why I find myself on the verge of crying each time I realize that I may be alone. Perhaps I’m used to do my tasks all by myself and take struggles without having to demand anyone to help me get through. It’s not that I am a self-made man but I consider myself as someone who dares to strictly follow rules and finish requirements.

Nowadays, my happiness depends whether or not I get things done. It sounds simple yet is complicated within a process. I always want methods. I always want punctual. I always want substantive. I always want comprehensive. I always want compliance. I always want to give it my best shot that I find myself competing with myself upon whom I am being too hard on. I feel abused by my desire of putting myself into a pressurized dimension of the world. I even think it’s pleasurable if I get tired, exhausted, and stressed; because I am afraid of slacking off… that I won’t rather be carefree and laid-back if it means having done nothing productive at the end of the day.

Do you see my problem here? I swear I want a life lived in its fullest. I need it. But, how can I actually compensate for the lost of the things I sacrifice for the sake of something that I deem is more important? I had been beside my family for my first 16 years of existence. I don’t have a perfect one but I can say that its members are the ones who bring out the best in me. Now I am trying to stand by my own and live in a city far away from them. We may be miles apart but that doesn’t make me love them any less. Instead, I can feel that I am falling deeper in love with them each day that I spend while suffering with the aches of my mind and my heart.  This is my decision. At some point, I have chosen this path and I have no plan of putting it off my system.

Typical student struggles: academics, allowance, peers, chores, doubts and insecurities, lackadaisical attacks, teenage issues, and a lot more. It has turned me insane in a subtle way. Yet I may find myself asking: What keeps me going all through these hardships when I can just stop and be a low-lying moron all my life? Do I even make sense? Is it even worth the fight? Who am I really? Why am I here in this damn place where survival is in the farthest reach of access? These questions kill me. It is quite a paradox that I am staying, living, searching for answers- just as I realize that the journey itself lets me hold on to hopes that I may eventually figure out what these all mean. I am strong for staying alive through my fears and weaknesses. I am a dreamer that still longs for an idealistic perspective whereas I will actually become the person I aspire to be.

Back to that vision board… well, it’s not actually a big, big deal. Fun, indeed. Such a material on my bedroom wall will remind me everyday that these are proofs that I can. I can do more. I can try harder. I can be better. Motivation doesn’t always have to mean deadlines, to-do-lists, calendars, alarm clocks, and whatsoever work-your-ass-off notes. Motivation can just be, merely, the life I had yesterday, the life I have today, and the life I will have tomorrow. Inspiration comes from within. It tells me, “Carry on” …there’s so much episodes to encounter. This is not yet the end- I am not yet there but I’m on my way.

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Self-Absorbed

SelfAbsorbed

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The Metamorphosis of Love

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Life is not a series of chances but a series of choices.

A heart usually portrays the essence of love, of Romanticism, of people’s involvement in a relationship that demands commitment, trust, and loyalty; but a heart might mean a different thing that tries to incorporate a wider and deeper understanding of how love actually exists in a person’s life- where happiness stays and grows from within. However, the butterflies signify metamorphosis- an agent of change that persists to survive in this world.

Just because you want it, doesn’t mean you can get it. Destiny is not carved in stone because it is something you have to create on your own. Beyond the freedom set upon the spark of divinity that’s given from the very start, you get a life… full of uncertainties, doubts, and risks. You endure a battle and insist to win for you think of the importance of the things you love is what truly matters. But, is it really worth the fight? Do you deserve to fall in love that depends from the intensity of the presence of others? Does reality have to seem so vague that you associate real joy from the attachment you get used to? Is it then fair to blame circumstances when you lose yourself while finding the significance outside of it?

Perfection is imaginable yet it is not possible. It cannot be achieved. It is so unfair to expect something that goes too high enough to disrupt your view of reality. You accept the love you think you deserve that you eventually fail to realize that what you’ve been seeking for the whole time is already in front of you waiting to be held on for so long. You miss the chances that are reserved for you while chasing for the ones you desperately hope for. You end up undecided, left out unfulfilled. Is that what is considered as happiness? Of course not. You commit mistakes just like anyone else. The bottom line is, it might be too late to catch up with failures. You learn to let go.

What you believe keeps you going, isn’t it? What you believe is what triggers you to remain intact with your goals in life. You often accompany it with the thought of being extremely in love with something else. So when it is gone, the happiness fades away. That is what happens in a heart that is filled with butterflies. There are things, there are people… that will come and leave. Some will stay and others are meant to go away. Permanence is rare. Definitely, there are things that are bound to visit you temporarily. There will be a moment in your life when your actions are transformed into regrets. It makes you unsatisfied. Will things ever be put in their proper places? Yes. You just have to explore a great sense of being alive and discover that happiness is not all about romantic love, or gifts, or committing to someone, or keeping a promise- but about the innovation and development you attain while enduring the pain you receive and being passionate about your principles no matter what, each day.

Happiness is a choice yet so difficult to stand by it. Love freely. Who cares to give it back?

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Faith that is Not Tested, is Not Faith At All

While the downpour of rain was heavy all day long last Saturday, I was able to grab my chance of clinging into my academic obligations. I did not fail, somehow, to comply with my to-do-list. Perhaps the weather was really gloomy and not everything inside our house had fallen in its proper place, I still tried to manage my schedule and my mood. That’s right; to manage myself and the actions I would take has always been necessary for a harmonious living- well, at least from my viewpoint.

Some readings I was trying to study that day is about the orientation towards being… something is about existentialism provided that the writer itself has this perspective saying Not that we believe that God does not exist, but we think that the problem of his existence is not the issue, and the other literary piece has been talking about this creatively ambiguous but witty format of what the persona aims to express; but justifiably, I got the gist of the articles I have read. Anyway, it’s all about how we’re to interpret the given symbolic entities which meanings invariably depend to our intellectual capacity and background. It’s up to me, actually, upon whose way of thinking I am made-up to affirm or deny, right?

We all know that in Philosophy, two major groups of people pave its path through the broadness and deepness of discussions- Christians and Atheists. I surely belong to the first one. I just can’t imagine how I was able to deal with the articles wherein atheistic viewpoints are technically considered. Each time I had to support my own ideology and never falter to what I have believed for more than a decade. I told myself that open-mindedness is not a bad thing at all. Essentially, it’s quite a brilliant means to transcend into reality without having to seem too arrogant, ignorant, conceited, and rude. Having an open mind to things doesn’t mean inability to decide for one’s self but maturity to cultivate the values that can eventually lead us to excellence and a better understanding of the world.

Last Friday night, when I am alone in our house and the storm was on its rage, I recorded my voice. This recording lasts exactly up to one minute as it plays. It is supposed to be an alarm which will of course motivate me to get up. Considering its inventive script and a bit proficient tone that speak in straight English, I honestly regarded this habit as some sort of fun. I’d have to adjust the volume to minimum so as not to frantically disturb others; though it’s fine if they’re interested in it.

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(Photo of me in Paoay Church, Ilocos Norte during our historical tour;

but Our Lady of the Atonement Cathedral is where I constantly go every Sunday)

Today is Sunday, the start of the week, when I’ve written this. I truly deem that waking up early contributes to man’s productivity and success. So it’s a deal for me to start a day or even a week right enough to make me feel so guilty if ever I do not keep hold of consistency. I am persistent about my dreams, and this blog of mine can attest to that.

Going to church becomes the fundamental system running throughout my character. I’m not the person whom anyone can convince not to go out for mass attendance, especially since when I have started my routine here in the City of Pines. It is a breath of fresh air, a lift of soul, a beat of heart, and clarity of mind- for me as a being. Tell-me-you-can’t-go-but-don’t-tell-me-I-can’t type of attitude is what I got.

Before I could stand under a shed to wait for PUJs, I passed through rustling winds and flooded streets; but still, I could feel the banality of what I am doing. Excitement is expected of me as I fulfill what I want, what I need. There’s this vehicle that stopped in front of me. An old man got off. He is familiar; I always see him on his way to church. He’s passionate about it and I can thoroughly confirm the verity of his faith. Perhaps he’s not too normal (I guess he’s ill due to age-related sickness) and I just can’t say what it is that bothers him. I just know he needs someone to accompany him whenever, wherever, because there’s no safe place nowadays.

Just like at that moment, he didn’t have an umbrella and the rain was pouring hard. It’s cold and I could see he’s tensed. Magsaysay PUJs passed but I am taking the Bonifacio route. So the man was. It’s as if he’s in a hurry not to get late for the mass (though it repeats hourly, in different languages). He’s about to get in a PUJ but its signboard said Magsaysay. God knows how I wanted to offer my umbrella to that man but there’s a bit of force that insisted not. But, when this driver saw the people waiting, he immediately changed his route. So an old couple, I, and the old devoted man, were able to take the ride. I felt an ease that we’re finally on our way to church.

Traffic was not too heavy maybe because it’s still early and the weather wasn’t too good. The PUJ stopped in front of the Cathedral and the vehicle was suddenly more than a half empty. As I crossed the road, I saw this familiar old man taking his steps towards the church. This time, I couldn’t let go of the chance that I might help him. I offered my umbrella and we both took some meters. All of a sudden, I remembered my grandfather. Is he doing fine in our home? Does he feel sick? Does anybody take good care of him? Does he miss me the way I do? Can he still endure and wait for me to get back? Tears watered my eyes but I couldn’t let it fall. For the first few times in months, I heard again the word “apo” (grandchild), with a different high impact melody in my ears. The old man was shivering and a strike of blame landed on me for not doing it so earlier. His age marked those slow footsteps and a notion of helplessness and uncertainty from the environment where he belongs; but I could perceive his hopefulness and it fueled me to keep going.

I thought, I just thought, I am very faithful and this is so exceptional about me. But no, I’m somewhat wrong. There are a lot more people like this man that is full of love for his devotion to God and passion for life. He might be alone at a sight, but inside he’s so full of faith that he couldn’t even think that nobody is there for him. His power of belief makes him stand, walk, and offer himself everyday that until now, he’s able to live. At that very moment of his tight grip (signaling a pinch of gratefulness that someone is confirmed to be there for him even at the slightest point of time), I felt so empowered.

Kindness is contagious. It comes from this man, not from me. I am merely one of the many noble instruments to make people be reminded that The Holy still exists and will always persevere because God doesn’t really leave. God is always here. God is always with us.

A lot of times go by that our faith is being tested without actually the recognition; it just happens. This story of mine for today is just one among the myriad instances that the power of love, hope, faith, and existence itself is realized. Each day can be a miracle, that we all breathe, that we’re all residents of Earth. We discover ourselves in every drop of a second and we explore our lives further not through our own but through our fellowmen.

As for me, I get inspired by you. Criticisms, adversity, loneliness, doubts, and emptiness get clearer every time. I am determined to face such struggles and fight for myself, fight for you, men of amazing faith; because you let me believe that I am not alone in this battle, that we can actually hold on to our beliefs, that we can actually carry on through our passion, that I naturally acquire this spark of love for humanity and that these testimonies trigger me to live. God is with us all the time at all places, in any condition. Impossible can be possible because we believe. God is whom we believe, that’s why we actually can.

Stronger, is how I call. Faith that is not tested, is not faith at all.

Categories: Daily Post, Inspire, Part of Me, Reflection | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

A Cradle for Vision Fuels the Tank on Mission

Who told you it would be easy? Nothing’s left in this fast-paced world for you to hold on; but because you believe that there’s something else to hope for, it becomes harder for you to just let go.

SAM_9415

 

What is in my mind right now? A lot of things. A thousand or millions of thoughts that eventually filled up the space of my being, enough to make me feel so full of flattering emotions and uncertain feelings. I couldn’t blame the rainy weather today. I couldn’t blame the suspension of classes. I couldn’t blame the moist air. I couldn’t blame the nostalgic view in the window. I couldn’t blame the deafening silence. I couldn’t find anything to blame for why I am this way.

I don’t think I was born exactly the person that I am today. Perhaps the time, experiences, and people’s influences have been contributing to the kind of human that I have become but I’m definitely not so sure how they changed me. Have I really changed? Here I go again with my philosophical questions, trying so hard to answer the inquiries that I know will never suffice. Questions welcome another questions for answers are just merely objects that are supposed to make me feel safe, unmoved, and at peace for a moment. The truth is, I never felt enough.

How do you see me as an individual in that photo? Your perception might be different as mine but I don’t care, really. What matters is that you actually paid attention to it at some point.

Free, empowered, and brave- these may be enough for me to step into real wild world. I feel like I am capable of surviving. I feel like I can conquer whatever struggle it is that will block my path. Well, at least, I have the feels. Although we all know that a man can be invincible but no man can defy imperfection, I still believe that if one spends his/her own life as the power to fight, this man is definitely immortal. The man can die but the flashes of its dynamism will never falter.

Oh good heavens, where did I find the guts to type these words that can eventually lead its readers to confusion? Because it is only through deep words that I can express the slightest closeness of my true sentiments to what I really meant.

There are times that I actually want to cry things out but no tear comes out of my eyes. It crushes me inside. I dare to smile to distract myself from entertaining insanity. There are times that I actually want to give up my only hopes but my dreams won’t accept my proposal. It brings out the guilt out of me. I dare to continue my plans or reinvent if possible. There are times that I actually want to just shut my brain from thinking but as before I can fully close my mind, there’s this little voice inside my head that disintegrates every single drop of doubt. It wakes me up each time I nearly sink my soul into a nightmare of failures. I dare to get up and fall even more madly even at the most futile ideas which only myself knows can keep me moving. Everything, to me, is paradoxical. What kills me makes me realize that I actually have a life to live, with that burning passion in my heart.

Do you get it, somehow? That a person’s struggles are truly the ones that aid to fulfill one’s goals. If we never had the struggle, wouldn’t you think we’d be able to appreciate the details of triumph and victory? I reflect. Please take note that I am trying if not for myself, then maybe for the ones I love the most.

Now the bottom line is what is so special in this life that I can be able to endure all these mind-boggling, soul-draining, heart-drifting challenges? If you can’t imagine myself saying these lines, try to incorporate them to yourself. What is it that pushes you to go on, amid the doldrums or even amid the monstrous storms? Is it your money, your gadgets, your foods, your books, your accessories, your clothes, your mansion, your car? How hypocrite we are, then.

As for me, what urge me to stay are reasons, I expect, only myself can understand. Will you believe me if I tell you I hold on because of the world itself? Philantrophic, isn’t it? Honestly, I am not the best person to promise things that are purely for the sake of others. I am giving it a try because I guess this is what makes me feel worthy to carry on, to share with you the air we breathe, to share with you the shades of sky, to share with you the rhythm, to share with you the company, to share with you the boundless treasures on earth. I’ll never tell these things to you. Laugh at me, it’s fine; but I’ll really never tell these because I want them done rather than chanted.

A Cradle for Vision Fuels the Tank on Mission is the title of my post mainly because I have a very large home that exists as spot on the universe that I can embrace as a cradle for the fruits of all our sacrifices, and the tank simply symbolizes ourselves. What substance do you want it contains? For me, I want it love. If I hated all of you, then I wouldn’t spare a moment of my existence trying to figure out what it means to be alive- what it takes to live for myself and what it takes to live for the significant creations that inspire me to look at things with wonder.

Could I ever make things happen? I can never fail this, so I must.

Categories: Inspire, Part of Me, Reflection | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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