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miles away

There will be times when I’d rather stay awake during hours in between 10 p.m. to 5 a.m.

It is when almost everyone is sound asleep. It is when the surroundings is blatantly quiet. It is when I have nothing to blame but myself for letting the silence deafen my disturbed being. I cannot close my eyes for fear that I may miss something. I can neither feel the warmth nor coldness of the empty space building up inside of me.

What I am sure of is that, I will remember each single detail that has been happening between hours of 5:01 a.m to 9:59 p.m. when there’s nothing wrong but my perception of reality. I seem to live in a world where only myself can see. It is the moment of disillusionment that perhaps the people occupy the sensitivity of my thoughts but there’s only one thing that I am longing to be with – and this is definitely peace of mind.

Noisy. The flickering lights, the blurring shadows, the swaying curtains, the palpitating beats of whose heart, the imaginative knocks and footsteps… all so loud I am not able to notice that while I hear them, I lose the capacity to listen to my own needs and wants.

Truly, I soon realize that there will be deprived chances no matter how hard we try to get them. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel like putting pillows on my bed, I avoid cute pets, I doubt your sincerity, I won’t give a damn to your words, I pretend to be funny. Because it sucks to get attached to stuffs that will soon leave me and I call them stupid inside my head. Not admitting it is me who’s more than weird. I am an unfathomable, reckless piece of unlovable mystery.

Darling I get hurt, too; but I don’t expect you to understand somebody who does not even dare trying to confront herself. Please see to it that I am not the one who’s going to conform to your ideals. I am not even trying to put an interest seeking for ways to get close to your standards. Because I don’t impose rules which I cannot follow. By accident, too many times, I have spoken words I cannot swallow.

Days pass and the urge is becoming more irresistible. You don’t have to say it back. You don’t have to cast a promise. Free yourself. Stop. Stare. Smile.

We’ll go miles from here if we let go, still miles from here if we choose to stay.

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Dare to Exist

The world is dynamic. Its essence is life that is full of vitality, full of wonder, full of energizing elements constituting the verity of our very own existence. Perhaps one might deem the creation itself as problematic due to some uncertainties. Then, how are we supposed to understand things? Do we need to allot rigorous researches in order to support our claims? Can the contextualization of our experiences and conditions be served as evidences only to prove that we aren’t deceived by our beliefs? Of course we tend to speak and stand up for what we think is true… while others tend to tell lies in order to protect themselves from judgments.

As human beings, we are presented the choices. We are given the chance to decide for our own. The result depends upon the basis of analysis that we have considered to look through. What makes sense doesn’t always get picked. Sometimes, what humans yearn for are ignorant derivations from shallowness, leaving the actual necessity that is to be executed within a process.

Understanding does not primarily mean just gazing at the meaning, says one of the excerpts from a line among the texts. It simply states that “to understand” suggests that we take into consideration the holistic value of others and the associations of one another. It then implies that we shall not only judge according to what our eyes can merely see or what our ears can merely hear. We have to examine things beneath circumstances, beneath perspectives. We listen no matter how inaudible the rational noise is, no matter how soft it whispers.

Knowing grasps reality- that is knowledge. For without knowledge, no fair justice might be administered. Without knowledge, we let go of the opportunities that we once deserved. Without knowledge, we get caught by the dogmatic persistence that is not even from our own way of comprehension. We eventually lose ourselves, at least in that case.

“Being-there”, “in-one-another-ness”, “Being-alongside”, authenticity or inauthenticity, and “potentiality-for-Being” are some of the most striking words to symbolize an entity termed as Dasein wherein existential conditions are attended. Here comes the fortification of possibilities, the anticipation of what can be put into actualization. Its significance doesn’t only lie amongst the description of one character, but throughout the world. It somehow signifies the entirety of the components of the world- self, others, and the linkages that bond the interaction, discoveries, exploration, and a lot more variations that create interconnectedness between them.

The bottom line is, it doesn’t matter whether or not which is true and which is false according to what a person thinks over your own awareness. What truly brings you to the peak of knowledge is knowing what would you actually fight for, what you believe makes sense, what you believe is worth the wait, what you believe could possibly exist, without the fear of failures.

A thought piece, for example, dares to exist… fail now, try again. Nobody is certain.

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