Posts Tagged With: reality

miles away

There will be times when I’d rather stay awake during hours in between 10 p.m. to 5 a.m.

It is when almost everyone is sound asleep. It is when the surroundings is blatantly quiet. It is when I have nothing to blame but myself for letting the silence deafen my disturbed being. I cannot close my eyes for fear that I may miss something. I can neither feel the warmth nor coldness of the empty space building up inside of me.

What I am sure of is that, I will remember each single detail that has been happening between hours of 5:01 a.m to 9:59 p.m. when there’s nothing wrong but my perception of reality. I seem to live in a world where only myself can see. It is the moment of disillusionment that perhaps the people occupy the sensitivity of my thoughts but there’s only one thing that I am longing to be with – and this is definitely peace of mind.

Noisy. The flickering lights, the blurring shadows, the swaying curtains, the palpitating beats of whose heart, the imaginative knocks and footsteps… all so loud I am not able to notice that while I hear them, I lose the capacity to listen to my own needs and wants.

Truly, I soon realize that there will be deprived chances no matter how hard we try to get them. Maybe that’s why I don’t feel like putting pillows on my bed, I avoid cute pets, I doubt your sincerity, I won’t give a damn to your words, I pretend to be funny. Because it sucks to get attached to stuffs that will soon leave me and I call them stupid inside my head. Not admitting it is me who’s more than weird. I am an unfathomable, reckless piece of unlovable mystery.

Darling I get hurt, too; but I don’t expect you to understand somebody who does not even dare trying to confront herself. Please see to it that I am not the one who’s going to conform to your ideals. I am not even trying to put an interest seeking for ways to get close to your standards. Because I don’t impose rules which I cannot follow. By accident, too many times, I have spoken words I cannot swallow.

Days pass and the urge is becoming more irresistible. You don’t have to say it back. You don’t have to cast a promise. Free yourself. Stop. Stare. Smile.

We’ll go miles from here if we let go, still miles from here if we choose to stay.

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I Myself Choose the Meaning They Have

Jean- Paul Sartre’s claims on Existentialism appear to me as evident proofs inhabiting such ideas that can make certain people believe about the knowledge on existence; yet it still bothers me that it somehow opposes what I’ve believed since I acquire the consciousness of confirming what is true for me. I remember the line Not that we believe that God does not exist, but we think that the problem of his existence is not the issue– definitely, this sounds agnostic but that doesn’t keep me from reading. It actually makes me think deeper and hold on to every argument that is thrown, without losing my faith and sense of wonder.

There are two standpoints presented: Christianity and Positivism- whereas both conclude something that is different from Sartre’s assertion. Christianity says that ‘Man has been created in the image of God’ supported by the statements ‘Man is nothing by himself; he owes everything to his Creator’ and ‘Man has special status before all other creatures’. This is countered by Sartre, saying that ‘Human being is the supreme and sovereign reality; there’s no pre-determined essence and he makes himself freely through his activities’. Positivism says that ‘Man is an end itself, a supreme value’ which establishes that ‘life is continuous and earnest act of worship’. This is countered by Sartre, saying that ‘Man, is by nature free, and still to be determined’.

Given the polarity of views, I honestly feel like floating due to the strength of their convictions; but it has not caused my own beliefs to falter. For humanism, man is real and there’s nothing above him that no reality can be any higher. From an existentialist point of view, man is never to be taken as an end for he is still to be figured out. Man is who gives rise to his own values. What makes him exist is the mere fact that he is self-surpassing; wherein he is free outside of himself to project, to lose, to pursue transcendence, and be the heart of it. In this perspective, the universe is full of human subjectivity, total freedom and inevitable responsibility. Perhaps absolute individualism is what it tells that matters, individual and social aspects must be weighed in and get accommodated.

Humans always aim for the better. Nothing can be better for him unless it is better for all. We are supposedly conscientious individuals that as we discover ourselves is the moment we also discover others. Are there any choices left with us? Terms are easily defined but they get complicated in the process. Thus, what makes man a universal concept? The decision is within us. We are condemned to be free. Consume our lives constructively.

Isn’t it that Man is nothing else but that which he makes of himself? Thus, I stand still. Existentialism, humanism, positivism, Christianity- I myself choose the meaning they have.

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The Metamorphosis of Love

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Life is not a series of chances but a series of choices.

A heart usually portrays the essence of love, of Romanticism, of people’s involvement in a relationship that demands commitment, trust, and loyalty; but a heart might mean a different thing that tries to incorporate a wider and deeper understanding of how love actually exists in a person’s life- where happiness stays and grows from within. However, the butterflies signify metamorphosis- an agent of change that persists to survive in this world.

Just because you want it, doesn’t mean you can get it. Destiny is not carved in stone because it is something you have to create on your own. Beyond the freedom set upon the spark of divinity that’s given from the very start, you get a life… full of uncertainties, doubts, and risks. You endure a battle and insist to win for you think of the importance of the things you love is what truly matters. But, is it really worth the fight? Do you deserve to fall in love that depends from the intensity of the presence of others? Does reality have to seem so vague that you associate real joy from the attachment you get used to? Is it then fair to blame circumstances when you lose yourself while finding the significance outside of it?

Perfection is imaginable yet it is not possible. It cannot be achieved. It is so unfair to expect something that goes too high enough to disrupt your view of reality. You accept the love you think you deserve that you eventually fail to realize that what you’ve been seeking for the whole time is already in front of you waiting to be held on for so long. You miss the chances that are reserved for you while chasing for the ones you desperately hope for. You end up undecided, left out unfulfilled. Is that what is considered as happiness? Of course not. You commit mistakes just like anyone else. The bottom line is, it might be too late to catch up with failures. You learn to let go.

What you believe keeps you going, isn’t it? What you believe is what triggers you to remain intact with your goals in life. You often accompany it with the thought of being extremely in love with something else. So when it is gone, the happiness fades away. That is what happens in a heart that is filled with butterflies. There are things, there are people… that will come and leave. Some will stay and others are meant to go away. Permanence is rare. Definitely, there are things that are bound to visit you temporarily. There will be a moment in your life when your actions are transformed into regrets. It makes you unsatisfied. Will things ever be put in their proper places? Yes. You just have to explore a great sense of being alive and discover that happiness is not all about romantic love, or gifts, or committing to someone, or keeping a promise- but about the innovation and development you attain while enduring the pain you receive and being passionate about your principles no matter what, each day.

Happiness is a choice yet so difficult to stand by it. Love freely. Who cares to give it back?

Categories: Feature Article\, Inspire, Reflection | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Still Human

Still Human

This depicts not a clichѐ, but an intensity of a person’s feelings towards reality. I say so because I can see myself through her.

Sometimes, it’s okay not to be okay. I do not show myself crying to other people as long as I can endure not because I’m scared that they might judge me, but because I don’t want them to feel the pain. I don’t want them to worry. Everything will be alright without them getting hurt. I am not a great pretender but I can sacrifice myself for the people I truly love- without compromising my principles in life.

Perhaps it’s not easy for me to show my emotions, live. I often express them through writing (this blog is an example); but it doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ll always keep my mouth shut. Well, I admit that it’s really better to keep my mouth shut if what I’m going to say makes no sense at all. I can also be vocal… and when I do, it’s when I’m with the people wherein I know my thoughts would be worth sharing to.

I may be too goal-oriented that it seems so robotic. I may be too hard that it seems so hopeless romantic. I may be too much of a dreamer that it seems so unimaginative. Just don’t forget. Hey, we inhale the same type of air. We both have heartbeats. I excrete the same wastes as you do. I fall in love and I get hurt, too. I feel inspired and I can be tired. I smile and even laugh as you can see… though when I start to frown, please leave it all to me.

Absolutely, we live on the same planet. Does that make somebody any less? Given with all the worst and the best, I’m still human after all.

Categories: Part of Me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Equilibrium

Here I go again. Tonight, I am willing to share to you an article that I have written a couple of months ago. It is composed of facts and opinion stated by me. It is about citing some insights that I think could have been remarkable within the noted movie. Honestly, this work of mine had received a not-so-high score due to some grammatical errors and some statements ambiguities; but I’ve decided to post it anyway because I believe I have learned. It’s the thought that counts! I offer to you my sincere apology on anything that you might find misleading. How I wish I could have written it better but I chose to preserve its original form to look back and see how I used to understand things. Here’s to a young woman and the others who aspire to be motivators of improvement.

Have a happy weekend.

 ‘Equilibrium’ : Film Insights

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Photo Courtesy : http://www.tboake.com/443-equilibrium-f2009.html

What does it take for the world to attain the balance that they need so nothing could ever go wrong? Do they really have to sacrifice the purity of mankind for the sake of one’s personal intentions? Why do others have to be blinded by rude societal disposition? Not an answer could register in my mind as I witnessed the first few parts of the movie we’ve watched- ‘Equilibrium’; but as the story started to roll down the consequences of the events, I then realized that even the things we’ve thought would be the smallest… might sometimes be the biggest contributor of change not just to one person but to the dependent generation.

As I recall, the movie started through an action series which exemplifies skills in attack and defense. Opposing troops of armed men exchanged their bullets and it was obvious that the other team is losing due to the strength and tactics of its opponent. It took me some minutes to absorb what has really been happening. Into my surprise that the reason behind the killing is the victims’ disobedience to the highly-implemented rule which prohibits everyone to feel emotions! Freedom was nowhere to be found. It was being murdered by a capsule- being taken like a dietary supplement on regular basis. There’s no way for an escape especially to those who think they were weak and powerless; while death was the doomed cliché to those who have tried to fight against the misleading laws of unjustified governance. The idea of the institution officers who have probably agreed on this condition, might as well in my opinion, seemed to be stupefied by their selfish ambitions. How on earth could anyone be legally permitted to exploit the rights of the people to deal with emotions and express their feelings? This is unimaginable in reality.

This is why I found it hard to finally get over unto the movie’s extent since it was my first time to see it and to be exposed into that kind of irrationality (though I’ve watched movies before that were a bit similar to this). On my perspective, the film-makers made it through such an ‘eye-opening’ point of view. Coming up with this quality of story amazed me for it doesn’t just showcase something that is unique. It is a collection of genuine facts summoned together to be able to establish a film that leaves a mark to its viewers. Considering the situational cases that we have today in our society, the message that the film has been trying to imply is useful for it could increase the viewers’ awareness about mindlessly degradation of human dignity (in any way that it is being actualized) and how it should be countered. Based on its impact to me, I might say that ‘Equilibrium’ has this inspiring feature which could uplift spirits of either young minds or mature ones to continue fighting in spite of the risks that wait. For me it’s like standing for my principle or not standing at all. ‘Not standing at all’ because the choice is within ourselves. The best is about to be attained not because righteous people choose to be with who is strong at the moment but they choose to be with who ought to be strong, instead- and those who ought to be strong are those who never quit to follow the right path.

Citing one of the evidences, I am still reminiscent of that Maguindanao Massacre. The issue beneath this clutter of words keeps haunting me though I am not personally involved… and this clipping in the newspaper caught my attention: Janvic Mateo. (2013) Arraignment of Maguindanao massacre suspects set on Wednesday: Manila, The Philippine Star News. Good news! Justice may finally arrive after the reported death of the people. “Dubbed by the Committee to Protect Journalists as the single deadliest event for journalists in world history, the Nov. 23, 2009 massacre claimed the lives of 58 people- including at least 32 media practitioners- who were part of a convoy led by the wife of then- Buluan vice-mayor and now Maguindanao Gov. Esmael Mangudadatu… A total of 197 suspects were initially implicated in the massacre, including members of the Ampatuan clan…” I can relate this article to the movie I’ve been reflecting on because both have stories of inhumanity wherein multiple cases of murder were noted. Putting back the pieces in reality, it’s gratifying that until these days, there are people who are still working to solve the alarming problems our country (or even the world) is facing through. Faith keeps the positivity from within. It guides us to endure the pain that we’re feeling so nothing would be impossible because better outcomes could have been waiting.

Just as how the call for humanity among victims of injustice has been fought for until the end (of the movie), the same process might happen with this issue of Maguindanao massacre only if there’s one or some among us who would take the risk of starting the change we wanted to see and continue the fight through our nation’s unity. It’s not all about a matter of counting the times one has fallen but on the ways one has gotten up.

I had once heard of a quote around UP, and it says: “Rise over run. If you must die, you die fighting!” So do I, so do you. We can all make a difference and attain the state of equilibrium without compromising the value of humanity so we’d live outright what defines dignity.

Categories: Societal Issue | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Escapist No More

Why can’t it be

Just a pathway full of roses

Leading to a sunset view

Where the one you’ve always dreamed of waits~~

KC Concepcion’s Not Like the Movies

Oh, wait. Look who’s here …

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Throwbaaaack from the time when I was 14 (turning 15 in less than two weeks).

My aunt took a couple pictures of me v^.^v

Now that I am turning 17 in less than three weeks, I can say that things change like seasons do. Two years had passed, giving me so much to remember- be it happiness, sorrow, excitement, madness, fright… anything. I can’t deny the nostalgia that it brings me whenever I had the chance to reflect.

If you had ever heard of Not Like the Movies sung by KC Concepcion, I guess it’d be easier for you to put your self through the perspective I’m seeing. Technically, I must realize I’m not getting any younger. Prior to this, I’ve found a way to relate a song, a collage, and a life of a young woman who loved fantasizing. She’d gotten so in love with the world created by her mind; that when it’s time to return to reality, she just wouldn’t stop asking why things wouldn’t just fall into their proper places. Why couldn’t the situations be like the ones she had imagined?

Grow up, man. I always tell myself to embrace maturity but now I must say, this is something I can’t earn in a blink of an eye. Age can’t even dictate a person’s maturity level perhaps it’s a factor. Over the years, I’ve fallen, I’ve cried, I’ve got so scared, I’ve planned stepping back, I’ve been defeated… I was wounded, scarred, and eventually healed. That’s a natural cycle, isn’t it?

Well, upon enumerating some of the things I went through, I shall be brave enough to ask myself: Could I be any braver, wiser, and stronger if not because of those experiences which had taught me to keep on going and never get tired of standing up?

I’m your average dreamer
I’m a true escapist
Always expecting a happy ending

– Good bye to this song that will always play on my soundtrack to remind me that change is vital, it keeps us moving.

…because today, I don’t wish for happy ending; yet I look forward for greater possibilities I may encounter along this journey of human life. Extraordinary.

There’s no more of that escapist inside me. I’ve faced tough situations, so I can do it until this story of mine is done. It shouldn’t fade away. I’d keep the fire burning everyday.

Categories: Part of Me | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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