Posts Tagged With: think

When things seem tough

And you can’t just let go

Try to stop for a moment

Attempt to think no more

Deep inside you know

That what will be the best

Is oftentimes the hardest

Risk this confrontation

Beast may be ferocious

But this moment might

Never, ever come again

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Abundance of Pressure When Altitude is Too High

Tonight, as usual, I’m working on requirements for school (reports, reviews, etc.). Setting aside the household chores, there’s this thing that keeps on bugging me. Every time I ask myself why I keep on trying to comply with all these stuffs without the assurance that I can get back what I really wanted to receive.

Grades. Yes, you read it right. I’m not that typical GC you might dare to call. I’m not too much of a grade conscious student. I don’t actually get depressed with grades that are being given to me; well, not as how anybody out there would rant about their miseries and curse their life to death just because he/she receives grades that he/she didn’t expect. I’m not the type of person who would give up expecting and let go of optimistic hopes for a long period of time. I might get frustrated for a while but that doesn’t make me quit searching for answers, striving for advancements, and looking forward for possibilities that might lead my path.

What’s in my mind right now is not surprisingly a huge ball of thoughts that keeps on spinning round and round… keeps on getting even bigger as time passes by… keeps on inquiring my being: Where am I? Until I come across this quotation He didn’t bring you this far to leave you. That’s probable. The Almighty Creator wouldn’t give me something I can’t handle and I trust Him for that. I trust in Him that each time I feel like putting an end into these hardships, there’s a voice inside of me that insists on telling me I got this. Of all the sacrifices I’ve had, the nights of sleep and days of comfort I’ve surrendered, the family I’ve missed, the friends I’ve separated from, the home I’ve rebuilt, and a lot more reasons which have pushed me to where I am now- constitutes the verity of my existence: proof that I am not going to take no for an answer.

I’ve reached this far, this high, and this vastness not to ditch the chances. I feel alone, incomplete, insufficient, ineffective; but these are just temporary associations from stress that emerging survival has offered me. I am pressured because I tend to always compare the goodness I attained yesterday to how great I am doing today. Thus, exerting more effort is necessary for me to supposedly excel and achieve self-transcendence through the days ahead. I am pressured because I tend to assume that I am good but it’s not enough for me to settle for less. I am pressured because I am supposed to be better than the person I had become.

Pressure that is brought about by the unlimited height of assumptions. Perhaps I can do more. Perhaps I can hurt less. Perhaps I can smile more and frown less. Perhaps I can sustain the endurance of pain. Perhaps I can stay strong and never let go of the things that matter the most.

There could be anything higher than the top. What then? Nothing but the fruits of one’s struggles to surpass himself/herself. Struggles to cope up with the pressure while he/she is at the peak of everything else he/she might ever wonder of… because at the end of the day, nothing else matters. Believe me or not. Nothing else but that grateful feeling that one has surpassed himself/ herself… realizing that circumstances vary and that we simply outgrow ourselves.

Without pressure, I wouldn’t get hard. Hard to beat.

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The Metamorphosis of Love

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Life is not a series of chances but a series of choices.

A heart usually portrays the essence of love, of Romanticism, of people’s involvement in a relationship that demands commitment, trust, and loyalty; but a heart might mean a different thing that tries to incorporate a wider and deeper understanding of how love actually exists in a person’s life- where happiness stays and grows from within. However, the butterflies signify metamorphosis- an agent of change that persists to survive in this world.

Just because you want it, doesn’t mean you can get it. Destiny is not carved in stone because it is something you have to create on your own. Beyond the freedom set upon the spark of divinity that’s given from the very start, you get a life… full of uncertainties, doubts, and risks. You endure a battle and insist to win for you think of the importance of the things you love is what truly matters. But, is it really worth the fight? Do you deserve to fall in love that depends from the intensity of the presence of others? Does reality have to seem so vague that you associate real joy from the attachment you get used to? Is it then fair to blame circumstances when you lose yourself while finding the significance outside of it?

Perfection is imaginable yet it is not possible. It cannot be achieved. It is so unfair to expect something that goes too high enough to disrupt your view of reality. You accept the love you think you deserve that you eventually fail to realize that what you’ve been seeking for the whole time is already in front of you waiting to be held on for so long. You miss the chances that are reserved for you while chasing for the ones you desperately hope for. You end up undecided, left out unfulfilled. Is that what is considered as happiness? Of course not. You commit mistakes just like anyone else. The bottom line is, it might be too late to catch up with failures. You learn to let go.

What you believe keeps you going, isn’t it? What you believe is what triggers you to remain intact with your goals in life. You often accompany it with the thought of being extremely in love with something else. So when it is gone, the happiness fades away. That is what happens in a heart that is filled with butterflies. There are things, there are people… that will come and leave. Some will stay and others are meant to go away. Permanence is rare. Definitely, there are things that are bound to visit you temporarily. There will be a moment in your life when your actions are transformed into regrets. It makes you unsatisfied. Will things ever be put in their proper places? Yes. You just have to explore a great sense of being alive and discover that happiness is not all about romantic love, or gifts, or committing to someone, or keeping a promise- but about the innovation and development you attain while enduring the pain you receive and being passionate about your principles no matter what, each day.

Happiness is a choice yet so difficult to stand by it. Love freely. Who cares to give it back?

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A Love That Stays Forever

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In memory of the noble Shirley Temple. (This post is not all about her but I find it as a way to put some touch of her quotable line into an account that I’m going to share this time.)

There’s nothing like real love. Nothing.

Based on the paper that is written by a professional degree holder I’ve read about De-Psychologization of Love, here comes Alain Badiou’s Conditions in a Philosophy course, quoted in the first page: “The relative poverty of all that philosophers have said about love, I am convinced of that, is because they have tried to explain it through either psychology or theory of passions”. – wherein it takes a lot of time and effort to catch a glimpse of how love is defined in one of the most critical sense. True love, I’ve learned is not: 1. Classical which separates two persons from being a compensation of one another. 2. Romantic which is centered on one’s self trying to dominate the other person. 3. Child birth being the primary motivation disguised as Eroticism which devaluates the meaning of family emergence.

What captures the truth in love is by being ‘Two’. Love is built from the differences where a man and a woman find each other… Love is nothing other than an exacting series of enquiries into the disjunction, into the Two. Disregard all these texts starting from “Based on the paper…” until “… into the  Two” because for now, I do not use it as a point of view.

To my one and only Dear Family,

Everything I do, I do it for you.

Lolo and Lola. Do you have an idea of how much you give me strength? Perhaps I also cannot measure but I can feel it whenever I struggle against the raging storms that scare me. I manage to pass through darkness because I know that the light I can gather will brighten up your days.

Dad and Mom. Do you have an idea of how much you keep me going? Perhaps I also cannot measure but I can feel it whenever I skirmish getting up from stumbling. I handle myself to overcome the fears that might obstruct my vision of you being proud of me.

Tita. Do you have an idea of how much you trigger me to be hopeful? Perhaps I also cannot measure but I can feel it whenever I stay still spite of rejections. I stand across the whirling winds and ‘carry on’ for I don’t want you to see me weak, for I don’t want you to sense it.

Ivan, Romson, Angel. Do you have an idea of how you motivate your Ate? Perhaps I also cannot measure but I can feel it whenever I wake up and say ‘never quit’. I used to seem tough to sustain each stride I take today because it is my gift for you to experience a better life tomorrow.

I hope you all understand that there is some point in our life when I have to be apart from you, the people who matter to me the most; but that does not make me love you any less. I don’t always want to show you a vulnerable side of me because I don’t want to share this pain that I endure right now. It feels so sad to be alone but I never tell you. I never tell you I cry every night; instead, I answer your calls with a laugh. I don’t usually tell you I am tired, and sleepy, and hungry; instead, I tell you I’ll take a rest later. I cannot tell you that I failed a quiz; instead, I spend more hours to review my notes. I will not explain to you how hardly it takes me to get my tasks done; instead, I let you think I enjoyed them. I may not describe you how frightening it is for me to face some situations; instead, I go to church and pray. Those are the things I do everyday to take your worries away.

Let us believe that our sacrifices are making sense little by little. ‘Be the good girl I always have to be’ is the line that flashes towards me. God is with us facing the trials. He doesn’t just make them lighter loads for us, but He joins us against all odds. I ask Him, not of any amount, not of any gadget, not of any boyfriend. I ask Him to tell you that I temporarily miss you. I ask Him to show you how much I Love You. I ask Him to guide us as He never failed to stay with us in good times and in bad times. I ask Him health and safety that we may all continue living our lives to the fullest. I have yet to show you how grateful I am to nurture this kind of love inside of me- the world of no condition and of no hesitation that I will forever prove you… that each of the member of the family I belong to… plays a role of significance in performing a legendary story on this stage of nothing but perfect fantasies fused into reality.

The day will come when financial concerns won’t bother you anymore; when the house of your dream becomes our home; when old furniture will be replaced with ideal ones; when we can be supplied completely by material things we both need and want; when working is no more an obligation for I must pay you with comfort; when we may be able to help other people, too, in their circumstances and help raise themselves the way we strive for ours. Amid all these, we shall never cease to praise our glorious God.

Someday, dear family, we can live happily… ever after. I offer to you a love that stays forever.

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