Posts Tagged With: worth

Hanggang Sa Muli

Ito na marahil ang unang post na ginamitan ko ng diskursong Tagalog; ngunit hindi ito ang nag-iisang post na gagamitan ko ng puso. Gusto kong maiba naman ang atakeng aking gagamitin upang maipahayag ang bugso ng aking damdamin. Sumusulat tayo hindi dahil inutos, hindi dahil pinilit, at higit sa lahat… hindi dahil upang magmalaki.

Ako ay isang manunulat hindi lamang dahil ito ang napili kong trabaho, kundi dahil ito ang aking buhay.

Naaalala ko pa ang mga lumipas na taon kung kailan ko ginugol ang aking kabataan bilang isang indibidwal na sanay na mag-isa at nabubuhay nang hindi humihingi ng kahit anong panahon mula sa kanyang mga kasama. Masaya ako dahil akala ko ay malaya ako sa ganoong sistema. Sa pagdaan ng ilan pang mga kabanata, aking napagtanto na may kulang pala. Bagamat hindi sa aking pagkatao, may kulang pala.

Ano ba ang kulang? Gaano ito katimbang upang magdulot ng epekto sa akin? Hindi ko kayang sagutin. Ako ay namamangha sa kung paano nga ba pinahihintulutan ng pagkakataon ang bawat pagbabagong maaaring maganap sa loob ng pahinang bumubuo sa nobelang alam kong akin.

Noon, sumusulat ako sapagkat kaya kong gumuhit ng sariling mundo. Ngayon, pakiramdam ko’y unti-unting nagbabalik ang bawat teksto na aking nailarawan. Mayroong parte ng aking pagkatao ang natatakot sa posibilidad na magkakatotoo ang bawat detalye. Labis na nakabibighani ang pagsasakatuparan ng pangarap na dati’y binibigkas lamang. Natatakot ako. Natatakot ako sapagkat hindi ko akalaing ang daigdig na pinaliit ng aking imahinasyon ay isang bulgar na pelikulang nagdidiiin sa bawat eksenang makatotohanan.

Magulo. Tulad ng aking kwarto kapag hell week, tulad ng aking buhok sa tugatog ng mahanging bundok, tulad ng aking malikot na pag-iisip. Maingay, tulad ng pagtibok ng aking puso sa tuwing maririnig ang yapak ng papalapit na banta sa aking propesyong napili. Malungkot, tulad ng pinaghalong init at lamig na patuloy na uusig sa aking konsensya kung ako ba ay nagkaroon ng silbi sa araw man o sa gabi. Mapanlinlang, tulad ng mga markang akala ko ay papasa dahil sa puyat at pagod na inabot. Mapanghusga, tulad ng bintang na ibabato habang patuloy kong tinatanong sa sarili, “Sapat ba ito?” Alam kong hindi. Hindi, kailanman, ako naging kontento.

Lahat na yata ng sakripisyo ay aking naranasan makarating lang sa inaasam na paraiso. Mabilis. Matagal. Madaming tukso. Ang paglalakbay pala na ito ay hango sa postura ng impyerno. “Sige, ituloy mo”, ang palagi kong sinasambit. Imbis na magsawa, kailangan kong masanay. Malupit ang hagupit ng bawat latigong katumbas ng pagkatalo. Mabangis ang mga naghihiyawang boses, nakabibinging katahimikan, at nagpupumiglas na kaluluwang nais kumawala sa rehas na nagkukulong sa kung anuman ang sigaw ng karakter na binuhay ng nag-aalab na apoy ng pakikidigma.

Malalim. Ang pinaghulugan ng aking ipinaglalaban, ang mga salitang akala mo hindi maiintindihan, ang pares ng matang nakikiusap sa paglabas ng katotohanan, ang sugat na dulot ng digmaan, ang hukay na nag-aabang. Isang maling galaw at “patay ka!”.

Mayroon pa ba akong dapat katakutan? Nasindak nang paulit-ulit, isang ritmong sumusunod sa musika ng daigdig. Mayroon pa ba akong dapat pagdudahan? Nasilaw sa makulay na palabas, isa palang pagtatanghal ng masasayang payasong sa likod ng entablado’y may mga luhang nakalulunod. Mayroon pa ba akong dapat sukuan? Nasaktan ng matatalim na sandatang ibinabato ng hindi naman lubusang kilala… sino ba sila? Ano ang ginagampanan ng mga elementong ito upang magpadala na lang ang sinuman sa agos ng walang patutunguhan? Hindi dapat. Hindi dapat sagutin ang mga tanong na wala namang kwenta – walang kwenta sapagkat nakasuot sila ng maskara. Hindi pala talaga ako nagtatanong kundi umiiwas. Duwag! Walang silbi ang umiwas sa responsibilidad na dapat ay pinagsisikapang tuparin.

Walang tigil akong pumipindot sa pagtipa ng aking keyboard dahil umaasa akong may mararating ang artikulong sinimulan kong kausapin. Ayaw nitong matapos. Ayaw ko rin, ngunit kailangan na.

Kailangan ko ng bumangon mula sa lugmok na istilo ng pakikibaka. Hanggang dito na lang muna. Sana bukas ay may mapatunayan na.

Hanggang sa muli.

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Categories: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

happymess

How much of a mess

Does it take

For happiness

To break

 

Joy finds its way

If only you are willing

That your day

Be its breathing

Categories: Daily Post | Tags: , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What If Your Best Isn’t Good Enough

We all have that feeling of joys and of sorrows. These two are what basically consist our daily lives. It’s either we feel good or we feel bad about certain circumstances that may come our way. Days are hard-earned. Nights are sleepless. We sacrifice such chunks of comfort for the benefit of our larger aspirations.

At the end of every episode, rages another show in a series of memories that are supposed to teach us: Lessons… Lessons which are not similar to those that we learn from school wherein lectures are primarily given before the examination. In real life, we have to take the tests first, then lessons. We may eventually surpass ourselves.

Sentiments are everywhere located in each chapter of our own stories. Whether we like it or not, we are thrown here in this world to feel alive yet it is so paradoxical that there are times when the things which actually give us life are the same ones which nearly push us on the verge of giving up this battle called survival.

Have you experienced that moment when you seem to have done enough yet none of it will suffice the demands of the environment you are in? You try to search for anything to blame yet cannot find it because you think that I got this. You list down all the possible works you can do for hours, for days, for weeks, for months, and even for years to prepare for situations that perhaps bring you that rush of nervousness and excitement; but when time comes, that you almost had it all, the world is as if to slap right to your face the kind of mess that you have been. You will never be ready until you experience the conditions. A wild dimension is about to snatch you from those sweet tales into a tragic story of defeat.

What is wrong: to expect too much from yourself? to wait for something else to happen that is not meant for you? to assume success? Is it then alright to accuse yourself of being too much of a failure? One’s self who is nobody but a shadow. A shadow which is nothing but a mere existence of false hopes. -then you start to question the verity of life. You start to indulge your being into the darkness that leads no path.

 

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse

– Fix You

 

Feel the wind all around
All the courage to be found
Who knows what’s out there
I know I’ll get there

– Still I Fly

 

If one thing I know, I’ll fall but I’ll grow
I’m walking down this road of mine, this road that I call home

– Am I Wrong

 

Now, here are songs you might like to listen to. Uplift the spirit that deserves no doubt, no insult, and no regret… for yourself is all that you have to stand up again. Yourself is all that you have to confront the challenges and beat them up- they may hurt you, cause you wounds, leave you scars; but they cannot suppress a spirit that stays faithful to its master.

What if your best isn’t good enough? is not a question but a threat to your character. You shall not be deceived by temporary knock down’s because the truth is, you can always get up. You can always fight back. You can always win in your own ways. Just by reaching your best shot, you had already aimed at victory. There’s no such thing as failing because you tried.

It is impossible for us to risk ourselves defending the ones we love, through terrifying attacks of courage and persistence, just for nothing. We are not here just for nothing. We are here to prove the worth we have been holding on for so long. We are here to claim the fact that we will carry on, no matter what.

Your best is more than enough.

Categories: Inspire | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Metamorphosis of Love

SAM_9567

Life is not a series of chances but a series of choices.

A heart usually portrays the essence of love, of Romanticism, of people’s involvement in a relationship that demands commitment, trust, and loyalty; but a heart might mean a different thing that tries to incorporate a wider and deeper understanding of how love actually exists in a person’s life- where happiness stays and grows from within. However, the butterflies signify metamorphosis- an agent of change that persists to survive in this world.

Just because you want it, doesn’t mean you can get it. Destiny is not carved in stone because it is something you have to create on your own. Beyond the freedom set upon the spark of divinity that’s given from the very start, you get a life… full of uncertainties, doubts, and risks. You endure a battle and insist to win for you think of the importance of the things you love is what truly matters. But, is it really worth the fight? Do you deserve to fall in love that depends from the intensity of the presence of others? Does reality have to seem so vague that you associate real joy from the attachment you get used to? Is it then fair to blame circumstances when you lose yourself while finding the significance outside of it?

Perfection is imaginable yet it is not possible. It cannot be achieved. It is so unfair to expect something that goes too high enough to disrupt your view of reality. You accept the love you think you deserve that you eventually fail to realize that what you’ve been seeking for the whole time is already in front of you waiting to be held on for so long. You miss the chances that are reserved for you while chasing for the ones you desperately hope for. You end up undecided, left out unfulfilled. Is that what is considered as happiness? Of course not. You commit mistakes just like anyone else. The bottom line is, it might be too late to catch up with failures. You learn to let go.

What you believe keeps you going, isn’t it? What you believe is what triggers you to remain intact with your goals in life. You often accompany it with the thought of being extremely in love with something else. So when it is gone, the happiness fades away. That is what happens in a heart that is filled with butterflies. There are things, there are people… that will come and leave. Some will stay and others are meant to go away. Permanence is rare. Definitely, there are things that are bound to visit you temporarily. There will be a moment in your life when your actions are transformed into regrets. It makes you unsatisfied. Will things ever be put in their proper places? Yes. You just have to explore a great sense of being alive and discover that happiness is not all about romantic love, or gifts, or committing to someone, or keeping a promise- but about the innovation and development you attain while enduring the pain you receive and being passionate about your principles no matter what, each day.

Happiness is a choice yet so difficult to stand by it. Love freely. Who cares to give it back?

Categories: Feature Article\, Inspire, Reflection | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

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